Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
