Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
