Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
