Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
