i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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