hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
