We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
