Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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