where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
