Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
