thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
