She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
