stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
