a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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