Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
wow bdsm is so cute
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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