FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
