im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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