Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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