This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
