are you so shy because you have an std?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
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