dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
