I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
