oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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