Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
