idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
