wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
