the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize