thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
