can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
