I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
