It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
