I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
