At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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