Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
