so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's official drugs can't kill me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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