Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
