I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
