You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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