I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
