She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just cropdusted the office
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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