He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
