please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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