I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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