Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
