So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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