you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
