Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
