You really coming over, don't trick.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
