I'm jealous of your bromance
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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