You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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